Ashley Todd’s ‘B’: That bewitching fragrance? isn’t that Rattus Rattus…

The reversed "B"

The reversed B

By now you have probably heard the story: Ashley Todd alleges that she was attacked at a Pittsburgh ATM and a ‘B’ carved into her face –because she was a McCain supporter.

Terrible! Horrible! Monstrous!
This could cost us The Election……
Elections can TURN on this sort of thing….

RightWingRadio jumped on it. Rush’n’Sean were …(you guessed it) …outraged…..

Etc Etc Etc.

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But –just as with Joe the Plumber– the Ashley Todd story is….evolving…

It is being viewed with ….some skepticism.
As witness this story:

“Pittsburgh PD Smells a Rat
Posted Oct 24th 2008 11:50AM by TMZ Staff

New info from the Pittsburgh Police Department — there is a gaping hole in the story of the woman who claims she was attacked because she’s a McCain supporter.

The PD has released a statement saying “We have received photos from the ATM machine at the Citizens Bank and the photographs was (sic) verified as NOT being the victim making the transaction.”

In other words, the woman who says she was attacked at the ATM machine wasn’t there at the time of the alleged attack.

The cops offered new details about her allegations. In addition to the attacker allegedly knocking her to the ground and carving a “B” in her face, she says the attacker “reached under her shirt and fondled her breast.”

Cops won’t release the results of the polygraph that was just taken. They say they are investigating “several inconsistencies” in her story.

(Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Prez Election 2008)

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Which is where I and the Malachi McCormick Blog enter the story –with a theory which you can help me with: Here’s how….

1. Dig out that photo of the ‘B’-branded Ashley Todd –they’re all over the net.

2. Look at that large red(dish) ‘B’ on Ashley’s right cheek.

3. Look at the formation of the ‘B’. The initial downstroke (the ‘I’) of the B is next to Ashley’s nose, and the two rounded parts (the familiar rotated double U shapes –the butt-shape, if you like) lie to the left, towards the outer edge of the cheek, right?

4. HERE’S MY POINT –it suddenly dawned on me as I looked at Ashley’s branded cheek:
If I was attacking Ashley –and this is just for illustration purposes; I have NOTHING against Ashley; I have no doubt that she is a fine upstanding patriotic American-Republican; etc etc.

…But IF I was attacking Ashley, I would be standing in front of her with my blunt knife, preparing to carve my ‘B’.

Next, in carving my ‘B’ on Ashley’s right cheek (her ‘right’ by the way) I would make my (I) downstroke first, and then add –to the right of the (I) downstroke– the second and third strokes, (if you like, the “butt-shape” alluded to above, and I do apologise for the indelicacy, especially to anyone still clinging to family values) that complete the ‘B’.

5. So what’s wrong with the picture?
Answer: The actual ‘B’ in the picture of Ashley’s face is REVERSED. That’s right –it’s reversed!

Now –I ask myself, and you are probably right ahead of me here– how would the ‘B’ on Ashley’s young face (–SO innocent, so fresh, so beguiling….But I digress) get reversed?

Right! you say: Ashley must’a did it herself! That’s how you make a ‘B’ when you’re making a ‘B’ on your OWN face!

(You will observe that I refrained from making any comment 1. on the LACK of INCISION “carve cuts” on Ashley’s face (lucky for her it was a BLUNT knife) and 2. No incision would mean no blood. Now how could I make a red ‘B’ on my own face. Lipstick?)

Anyway, that’s my theory.
QED (Quod eRAT demonstrandum.)

What think you?
Should we let the New York Times know?
Camp Obama?

[A penultimate point: Which candidate likes to call himself ‘The Maverick’?
And what is a Maverick but an Un-Branded cow? McCain stands for the Un-Branded. He could not, WOULD not, have had ANYTHING to do with this –why, he would rather lose an election than…..]

[And finally –a word from an old calligrapher: Having formed more ‘B’s in my day probably than the next twenty Blokes on any Clapham Bus, I realize that I had a certain advantage here….]

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